Many of you know me to be an atheist, but no more. I have seen the
light my friends and it glistens off of platinum scales of the greatest
of all metallic dragons.
Metallic dragons, you see, are
the noblest and most benevolent of all dragons and they live a long
time, longer than anything we know. This gives them epic powers of
wisdom and if you a devout follower of Bahamut, he will provide you with
your own metallic dragon, gold, silver, brass, copper, or bronze, to be
your mentor. You will go throughout your travels with this mentor and
will be taught the wisdom of the eons in all dealings in human life at
his scaly foot.
It may be hard for you to believe that
dragons exist, as all evidence is to the contrary, but I have faith.
Reason and evidence cannot touch faith, as you know if you are a
religious person, and that's why it's called FAITH! This is not to say
that I do not have my explanations ready, oh no. First of all, it must
be understood that metallic dragons often like to take human form, and
they can become any human they wish. Obviously, if you ask humans
accompanying me if they are dragons, they will deny it, as they wish to
not scare people and also to experience life from a human perspective so
that they may grow in their own wisdom. Even when not in human form,
dragons are gifted mages and may cast greater invisibility on
themselves, which will render them undetectable even if they are damaged
or attack.
Of course, it would be immoral of you to try
and talk me out of my faith. Without faith in Bahamut, I would
definitely turn to a life of unbridled immorality. My offenses would be
the usual major crimes, such as rape, murder, and robbery, but also
minor ones, such as wet willies, Chinese fire drills, and production of
reality television shows. After all, without the wisdom of the great
platinum dragon, there can be no morality. Children not taught the basic
tenets of platinum morality during their upbringing, especially the
crucial first ten years, are 75% more likely to get involved with dark
necromantic cults. For without the absolutely morally omniscient
teachings of Bahamut, morality cannot be absolute. How can you even know
what is moral reliably relying upon your feeble human wisdom alone? No,
you need the greater morality of he of the many colored eyes, he who
shepherds in the morning frost, and the lord of all metallic dragons in
order to be consistently moral.
If you are of a differing
religion or a not-year-recovered atheist, I would ask you to please not
be rude in your criticism of the Church of Bahamut. Bahamut is real. How
do I know this? Besides my dragon mentor, who I trust you will not be
so rude as to expect to actually meet or have his breath weapon
demonstrated to you, I can tell you Bahamut is real because it has been
personally revealed to me. For many years now, I have had diabetes
without developing any serious complications. Some say that's because I
have, some of the time anyway, taken medication and I'm still relatively
young so it's too soon to tell, but these people are shallow
rationalist knuckleheads. It is clear as anything has ever been to me
that it is Bahamut who keeps me from developing complications and that
it is his scaly wing that guides my physician's hands when they get
something right in terms of treatment. Do not be so presumptuous to ask
me to prove that Bahamut exists. Of course he exists! Who brings the
frost to the grass and to the windshield of your car? Thermophysicists
seem to think that water vapor is just in the air and crystalizes at a
certain temperature, but these people are just paid propagandists of the
liberal academic establishment and there's no evidence for frost just
happening on its own. THERE'S NO EVIDENCE! SHOW ME THE EVIDENCE! I have
been to many museums and read many textbooks and I can find no
convincing evidence that makes any sense. Bahamut had to do it. Besides,
you can't prove Bahamut doesn't exist and the moment you can I will
become a sworn atheist, but until then I am just a humble servant of the
great platinum dragon. Beware Tiamat and her Chromatic minions!
-Frank
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