Nothing To Report

Christmas is over. I have survived my first season with the full knowledge of the limits my autism places on me. Well-wishing relatives ask me what I've got going on, and I pretty much answer with an only slightly elaborated upon, "The usual." Smoking, cooking, writing, and little else, that's what's going on. That's what'll be going on the next year, the year after that, and all the years I've got left. Of course, it's understandable why everybody asks that. Most everybody has something going on in their lives that's new, especially if you haven't seen them in a year. Nobody wants to acknowledge the disabled relative in the room as a disabled person. Maybe that's what other disabled people want out of a holiday gathering. Pretending to be just like everyone else in the room of sound mind and body sure makes a lot of sense to me, but I can't do it.

There's a lot that I did right this Christmas, especially the vast majority of the candy I made. Aside from one or two cases where relatives either didn't like food coloring or the variety of candy, nobody came close to saying I made a poor product. Buying good gifts is something for which I've long been known and I think that, since I am unlikely to have accomplishments about which to speak at gatherings, I shall need to keep up, and even step up, my game. Mostly, gift-giving is a skill that relies upon equal parts knowing the recipient and insistence upon quality goods. Obviously, the most effective way to ensure quality is to make the gifts oneself, as I did with the candy this year, but the exhausting nature of filling 48 tins with candy ultimately means that I will favor purchases, at least for the most part, in the future. As long as they get the kind of reception I got this year, I'll know there is a very important function served by my presence.

I'm still young enough that most Christmases of my life have been about how I am others of my generation are doing. Well, even though I doubt any of my peers among the Gen Xers in my family have had as discouraging a report to give as I do this Christmas, I still had a lot of fun. There's warmth and cheer to be had in everybody getting together that really is unique and precious. For now, the family I was born with is populous and we have elders to keep us anchored together. While I enjoy it immensely, I do not take it for granted and I certainly do not expect it to be around forever, at least not for me. The Christmas will come one day that is my last with my family because my generation will move on and have their own traditions and I will have nowhere to go. That's okay though. No good thing lasts forever. While it does, I'll keep trying to do it right.

-Frank