The Safe Haven

There are many strategies for autistics to cope with the social world. Some are not sufficiently socially impaired to require such strategies, and these are fortunate indeed. Most commonly, autistics simply try to improve their social skills in some way, just as any socially unskilled neurotypical person would do. Since this is essentially developing skill at seeming neurotypical, it qualifies as developing a coping mechanism. Not every autistic can improve social skills sufficiently to succeed, however, as is the case with me. Primarily, social skills are going to be the most crucial in school and, later, the workplace. When they aren't sufficient for these environments, the ultimate result is becoming unemployable. While this is not the only factor in my unemployable nature, it is a major one. Only two environments in my life have proven to be ones wherein I can socially succeed. These, I term, "safe havens."

As a child, I didn't have an environment where I could socially succeed. Here, I do not count home, because, although I certainly got on my family's nerves, there was always an understanding that there was a certain obligation to be kind to and patient with me. Family is, after all, its own thing. Friendless and disconnected from my peers, I mostly remember doing everything by myself, such as watching television, reading, playing video games, and so on. Drury University was my first safe haven. Basically, the social environment there was carefully designed to be close-knit and open-minded. Much like the fictional Hogwarts, the place excels at feeling like a secure home, and it was there I made my first friends. Just For Him was my second safe haven and I think it's because pipes and cigars are hobbies that attract all walks of life. With that much diversity, everybody just learns to get along with pretty much anyone, and I didn't have to leave after graduation.

Safe havens are very rare places. In the 33 years I have been alive, I have only found two, both in 1999. When I moved back to Arkansas for three years, I experienced life without one. During my time there, I tried to find smoking lounges, schools, gaming groups, churches, and other places that might demonstrate that heightened level of patience and kindness. None did. The closest I had were visits with two friends from my Drury days, which weren't nearly so frequent as I would've preferred. Nowadays, having moved back to Springfield, I have Just For Him back. Drury isn't much of an option, because the safe haven it was for me was always meant to be temporary. Autistics as socially deficient as myself are always going to need safe havens in order to have sufficient quality of life. By far, the best option is to become as socially skilled as you can. If that proves insufficient though, find your safe haven and if you're ever in Springfield, come to Just For Him. It's safe there and I'll buy you a cigar.

-Frank