25 Random Things About Me.

1. The only party I remember being invited to in high school ended up with me singing Weird Al songs from a high place while everyone laughed. With me or at me I'm not sure.

2. Being an atheist, I am probably not going to ever enter a church again unless it's for a wedding or a funeral. If it's my own wedding, I'll have to try for an Oscar at the religious parts, but that'll be the least of my problems if that day comes, trust me.

3. I got kicked out of a Catholic Church in Springfield once for taking communion while not being a Catholic. The person who invited me there really should've explained that being a no-no.

4. When I was in kindergarten, I got punched by a coach for defying his orders to get on the monkey bars as part of P.E.

5. I have a superstition about Walgreens kitchenware. The stuff is cursed, I swear. NOTHING works right for long from that store's kitchen section. It all falls apart or simply fails to function outright.

6. I can't chop wood. Something must be lacking in the technique, because all I do is create dents in wood.

7. If I could, I would audition for American Idol. I'd get laughed off, but I just want to hear what Simon would come up with.

8. I am amused every time I hear chefs complain about having to bake on Food Network. Yeah, all your speed and multitasking won't save you now bitch.

9. Lemon meringue pie is my culinary kryptonite. Only when I have conquered this troublesome pastry will I feel I have fully mastered baking.

10. Song lyrics are often open to hilariously incorrect interpretation in my hands. Example: I lean against a zebra while you get your tetrahedron and you get it while it's goin' but not while it's for free and all your sister Christians singin' 1-2-3: real lyrics, I ain't got a fever; got a permanent disease and it'll take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy I got lots of money, but it isn't what I need gonna take more than a shot to get this poison outta me and I got all the symptoms count 'em 1 2 3.

11. My best physical feature is my hair, which I'm losing, and my worst physical feature is my weight, which I'm not.

12. I think I can sing in Latin and German respectively when I hear Adeste Fideles and O Tannenbaum.

13. I peeled, quartered, and shocked with ice water over 20 pounds of turnips recently and I didn't have to eat a single one. Get is not the word to use in reference to turnips. They are definitely a have food.

14. The only reason I want a lawn is so I can put a smoker and grill out on it. Also a fire pit like Kate and Vic have would be nice. S'Mores a poppin'!

15. I recently learned through Shinga (a webcomic artist and livejournal writer I have come to follow) that there is a website dedicated to 80s T-shirts. This could have a serious effect on my disposable income for a while.

16. If I wasn't pretty sure they'd be terribly uncomfortable, I'd wear a monocle.

17. I have watched and liked exactly three animes ever that I liked. Dragonball Z, Cowboy Bebop, and Lupin the Third. Dragonball Z is silly and infinitely mockable, I must note.

18. My Starbucks order takes ten words to say. Am I officially a yuppie?

19. I once had a gaming room decorated and built expressly for that purpose, complete with dice jars and a handmade table. The gaming community in Northwest Arkansas sucked though, so it existed as a mausoleum to a formerly great hobby for three years that I lived there.

20. I own a black pipe from a company called Dunhill. It is among my most prized possessions.

21. I bought a baker's shelf to lighten up the storage load in my kitchen and the thing is still overflowing with equipment.

22. I have been informed never to return to Disney World unless I'm with a kid. Last time I went, I was 12. If I go again, the magic may be gone without at least someone having that sense of wonder.

23. I had a dog briefly named Simon. He was named after Firefly's Simon Tam and, if he hadn't had to be put down due to a disease called globoid leukodystrophy, i would've eventually gotten a second dog and named her River.

24. My Hotmail account (frankcritic@hotmail.com) was originally made in college to refer to me being the school newspaper's movie critic. Now it just sounds like I'm hypercritical or something.

25. Saturday morning cartoons will never return to their former glory. Why do kids even get up at all on Saturdays now? I used to be up at 5:30 so I could eat real quick before CBS' lineup started.

-Frank