The Conversation

There is a conversation that I have had before and will have again. I don't know how long I'll keep having this conversation and it is entirely possible I'll keep having it until I die. The conversation always takes the same basic form and that makes it a little bit easier for me to respond to it. It is similar to the way celebrities can breeze through interviews since everyone always asks them the same questions. Explaining what the conversation is about is quite simple. Someone will object to my conclusion that autism precludes a romantic or professional life for me. Like everything else in my life, especially things that involve autism, I think this perennial conversation is eligible for an article. So here's what I'm going to do. While I am writing this paragraph in my usual style, the following four paragraphs will be written in the second person to serve as a response to those who seek to have this conversation with me.

You claim that with sufficient motivation, willpower, and fortitude, anyone is able to accomplish anything, or, at the very least, is capable of making some sort of professional and romantic life for themselves. This premise is false and it is helpful to consider the term disability. What does the term disability mean? It means, quite simply, not able. In all fairness, I have spoken with autistics who do not feel their autism is a disability, but I also know at least one autistic who is on disability because he has autism. Part of the problem here is that autism famously is a spectrum and that means that the degree it affects one's life is highly variable. Low-functioning autistics generally are not questioned about their employment or romantic prospects, especially if they are in a catatonic state. My autistic friend on disability is higher-functioning than me in some ways and lower-functioning than me in others. Determining whether or not one is high-functioning enough to be employable and maintain romantic relationships requires experimentation.

My experimentation with employment has been rather thorough and has spanned 15 years. Professionally, I have attempted eight careers in all and autism prevented them all from succeeding. These were journalism, which didn't work out because of social problems, marketing, which didn't work out because of problems with mulitasking, technical writing, which didn't work out because autism denies me scientific aptitude, teaching, which didn't work out because of social problems, college teaching, which didn't work out because of social problems, freelance writing, which didn't work out because of social problems, real estate, which didn't work out because autism denies me sufficient mathematical ability to manage the numbers involved, and baking and pastry arts, which didn't work out because autism meant I worked too slowly and lacked the dexterity and coordination to clean properly.

My experimentation with romantic relationships has been rather thorough and has spanned 10 years. Romantically, I have had six major relationships and autism either prevented all of them from succeeding or prevented me from realizing that they never would. Tishia didn't work because I didn't realize that A) She was using me for my money or B) That she was cheating on me with two people, Marie didn't work because I failed to realize she was a sociopath, Donne didn't work because I failed to realize I had alienated everyone in our mutual Sunday School class and they insisted she break up with me, Amy didn't work because I failed to realize she only dated me because she was too nervous to decline, Randi didn't work because I failed to realize she didn't really want a relationship, and April didn't work because I failed to realize I was moving the relationship forward too quickly and was unable to manage slowing down even though this was repeatedly pointed out to me.

So there you have it. You may well remain unconvinced that the evidence I offer to prove my autism prevents me from having a professional or romantic life, but it is not and cannot be your place to make that judgment for me. The fact is that unemployable and permanently lonely people exist and always have. Given this, what on Earth makes you think that I am exempt from being among their number? There is not someone for everyone and not all members of a society will be wanted by that society. However, of those who find themselves one of these people, I am fortunate. Born into money, I may live comfortably and pursue my writing and baking free of the concerns of survival. This is not to say that I do not fear the oncoming loneliness as I grow old and my family's elders begin to die off. Indeed, matters like this weigh heavily on my mind. In any event, that is my position and it is mine to have. I hope you have some understanding of the limitations that autism places on my life. Lately, there is talk of a cure and I will take said cure if it ever comes to fruition. If that day ever comes, I will embrace the possibilities.

-Frank