The New Meaning

Having investigated intellectually and searched inwardly, I find that I and ultimatley an existentialist. In my darker moments, I have professed nihlism, but that is imprecise. Nihlism states that life has no meaning whatsoever. Existentialism, however, tends to view life as a blank slate and, while there is no inherent meaning, it is up to each of us to find and make the meaning in our individual lives. Accepting that premise, I postulate that one of the most difficult things a person can encounter is the loss of the things that give one's life meaning, particularly if they have done so for a long time. Even if these things are replaced, we miss the old ones because they formed so much of our identity.

Many things that once gave my life meaning no longer do. In some cases I no longer believe in them, in some cases they are no longer practical, in some cases they are lost causes, in some cases they remain but are too diminished to be relied upon any longer, in some cases they have betrayed me, in some cases I have simply been provided proof that they provide only misery where I thought out would flow happiness, but whatever the reason, rebuilding is necessary.

Pragmatist that I am, I find that attaining meaning in my life means actively seeking it. Most significantly, I now find meaning in my life through my simple quest to preserve my ability to determine my own destiny. That means nothing more complicated that just being able to go my own way, no matter what, and beyond that it's just about getting by. Still, the freedom to determine your own destiny being an end unto itself, though providing powerful meaning, is not very defined. The defining is the part I'm working on. Getting myself some hobbies that don't require the participation of others is the current strategy. I already have movies and pipe smoking, but here's a few more.

1. Writing: I've got this blog and my ability to provide daily versions of my unique outlook on life to my readers, however many or few that may be.
 
2. Cooking: Well, baking. The cigar shop is an endless venue to give away my tasty treats. Even though I no longer do it professionally, I can still enjoy this craft.

So I'm off to a start. Don't know if it's good or bad. But it's my start. That'll have to do.

-Frank