Personal Training

Although I'll forgo listing them, I've been on most of the weight loss/fitness programs/products most of you can probably name, and more. When I was younger, it was just about trying to look better in order to improve my chances romantically. Of course, since diabetes hit when I was 21, there has been the subject of mortality never too far from my mind. Does one's death, or, failing that, blindness, nerve pain, lost of limbs, erectile dysfunction, and cardiac neuropathy, really hold that much terror? Maybe in the early days it did. Back then, I strictly followed Atkins, checked my blood sugar twice a day, and was mostly med-free because I was getting a bachelor's and masters, had just started dating, and had the future right in front of me. Then the summer of '04 hit and, with it, about six or seven years of unrelenting reasons why death and the rest may not hold so much terror along with it. You know the story if you've been reading my articles for a fair spell. During those years, I dated, and was engaged to, the kind of women that can seriously make you doubt a kind and loving God, failed in so many careers I realized my trust fund was the only thing keeping me off the streets, and experienced a total refutation of everything I thought I'd learned about my ability to make, have, and deserve friendships. Fitness is difficult business that requires discipline, immense suffering, no small amount of expense, and enough personal reasons fueling your drive that you'll never quit until you reach your goal. Honestly, for the last few years, I figured I'd die in my 40s, based on how long catastrophic complications take to develop in diabetics. Fitness will help me avoid that.

Everyone who starts a fitness plan with the purpose of losing weight fantasizes about how life might be different when the weight's off. In the past, I've wondered about things like clothes looking better on me, dating opportunities, professional opportunities (fat people do get hired less, after all), esteem from my family and friends, celebratory tattoos, and so on. What makes this time different is that there's a sense of interconnectedness about the whole thing. While some problems will never go away (baldness, shortness, whatever I've done to my body with diabetes already), there are many pressing ones that getting fit can fix. In a lot of ways, I'm in a good place. I've got more control over my finances, I'm a Missouri resident, and I'm coping better with autism thanks to therapy and medication. All I'm really going for at this point is to lead a long healthy life and have a million cigars and laughs with my friends. I no longer have the arrogance of youth I once might've to call that a life not worth living. Moving mountains that have never so much as budged before is daunting, but within my reach. 

-Frank