The Subject Of Suicide

Here's the article that inspired a lot of what I'm going to say here, if you're interested. http://townhall.com/columnists/KathrynLopez/2009/04/17/suicide_isnt_a_painless_debate

So, I'm going to be advocating suicide in this one. If that's going to affect your blood pressure to the point where it might kill you, or at least shave off a few years of your life expectancy, you probably should just stop reading. Of course, regular article readers will know I'm pro-death in general. Hell, I consider abortions mercy killings, so much does life suck. However, I'll also talk about people like me in this article, by which I mean people who think life sucks just as much as someone who is suicidal typically does, yet aren't actually suicidal. Not killing yourself is an option I respect just as much as I respect the alternative and there are many valid arguments for it, just few that people actually tend to make. So in that sense, this will be a balanced article. For most of it, I'll categorize different types of suicidal people, starting with the most justifiable cases and moving down to more objectionable levels.

Terminally Ill/Chronic Pain Cases: Within this category, you have varying degrees. Guys like Kevorkian used to kill who would die in minutes without round the clock nursing care anyway, just because they keep almost swallowing their own tongue or something, to people who just have severe chronic pain that will never go away no matter what they do. Severe paralytics also fall into this category. People tend to be most okay with this form of suicide because it's pretty inescapable that these people live in hell. They can't do anything anymore because their condition is just too prohibitive. Dogs in their condition, hell, ANY SPECIES, other than their own, in their condition would be put down to ensure a merciful death, and you would face animal cruelty charges if you didn't, in fact. Personally, if I'm ever that bad off and you can kill me but you don't, I'm finding a way to haunt you.

A Comin' Cases: My clever name for these people is based on the fact that they're suicidal because they know something really bad is a' comin. Maybe the enemy army is about to overtake their castle, in olden days, so they fall on their sword, or maybe they just lost all their money in a market crash, in the modern era, so they eat a gun. Not all cases like this are so dishonorable. Some prisoners facing torture situations commit suicide rather than face more torment, something John McCain attempted at one point. Completely understandable. Other examples include murder suicides or suicide by cop, which I assume are self-explanatory.

Loser Cases: The difference between losers and the previous type is that a comin' cases know that something bad enough to kill themselves to avoid is imminent. Losers just don't have any more reason to stay alive. Maybe they don't have any kind of a career, no lovers, no kids, no friends, and sometimes not even any family. You might be tempted to call these people depressed, but people who are depressed are sad even when things are going good for them. In the case of the loser, it just sucks being him. There's no place in this world for him. No love, no mercy, no compassion, no pity. He's just an insignificant man neither loved nor needed by anyone. Why are you trying to convince him he shouldn't kill himself? How many guys like that do we need?

Mentally Ill Cases: The thing about mentally ill cases is that some people believe that everyone who wants to commit suicide is mentally ill. That makes no sense to me. Acting out of desperation or wanting to end suffering, for instance, isn't crazy. It's perfectly rational. Now maybe you insist that there's always a better way than killing yourself, but you can insist on anything by definition. Doesn't make it true. Sometimes it is the best possible option for both the person committing suicide and the society that shall be rid of them. Now, if you're talking actual mental illness, as in they're not actually capable of making rational decisions, that's different. People who are clinically depressed or bipolar or whatever are not making a rational decision if they kill themselves. Their madness makes that decision for them. So we should try and get them lucid if at all possible.

Sad Cases: These are cases where someone is simply sad about something, like a death, a temporary loss of employment, or even something as trivial as a band breaking up. Someone I know likes to say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. For the most part, I agree with that on this level. The only defense I could make for suicide in these kinds of cases would be a Darwinian one, because it's pretty clear the weak are dying off and therefore not reproducing, but that's more relevant to my next category.

Suicidal Teen Cases: Okay, I realize defending teen suicide is kind of extreme, but we have enough teens already and I'm pretty sure most of the people who think they won't be missed are right. That said, I'm effectively against it, I guess, because I believe in parents having the right to make decisions regarding their children until they're 18, including decisions regarding killing oneself. I can easily imagine cases where I can sympathize with them though, because they sense they have no place in the world. Some of them don't fit in either at school or at home. They know a loneliness that you can only know in a school cafeteria. At one time, I would've told them things get better in college, but that's temporary. Workplaces are much like a high school, and they're going to get pushed around and picked on for the rest of their life if it's already happening. Whether that's enough reason to kill themselves, well, that's up to them. I've made my choice. They might make a different one.

Okay, now that I've spent a lot of the article defending suicide as a personal choice, I'll give you some reasons to live. I consider the conventional reasons to keep living, beauty, love, religion, not hurting your loved ones' feelings, nonsense. These reasons do not assume life doesn't suck, because it does. You'll be hard pressed to find someone more consistent on that than me. However, I continue to live. Here are a few reasons why.

1. Curiosity: You gotta admit, this is a great show. No matter what kind of life you're living, you never know what's going to happen tomorrow. New and interesting things are blowing up all the time on the macro and micro level. If you're pessimistic and think the world's just gonna burn here soon, stay and watch. They'll be enough guns around for a situational suicide if peril becomes imminent, don't worry.

2. Revenge: If you're like me, you know there are a lot of people out there whose life would be better if you were dead. Do keep in mind that you don't like these people. In fact, they suck. Why are doing them a favor? Whatever sort of suffering you're enduring by living, give back as good as you get. I say if other people would rather die than live in the same reality as you, you win.

3. Practical Reasons: Any form of suicide can fail. Know what happens after a failed suicide attempt? Life sucks worse than before! Think you'll get a second shot? No! Everyone will make sure of that. So you'll have less freedom and you'll be mangled or crippled or something. Fantastic. No, better to endure the slings and arrows of a natural lifespan than risk a failed suicide attempt.

4. Stubbornness: You want to make sure they win? Is that what you want? You know they they I mean. The ones that you've been pushed by your whole life and you've been pushing back. Doesn't even have to be actual people. It can be unseen forces or ways of your culture. Heck, even God. My mom offered me to move out of Harrison after 9th grade and go to school in Springfield, but I stayed because, whatever else I did, I wasn't running from those bastards. So now they'll never have that. Can't say they scared me off. Can't say they made me quit. No, I was there all through the spitting and the smacking and taunting. Sometimes they're still in my nightmares, their twisted twangs torturing my slumber, but I stayed until the end and not even the ghosts of the past can change that.

5. The Ending: Gotta know how it ends don't you? Sure you do. There are a heck of a lot of people betting against me right now. Some think I'm basically a retarded child man. Others think I'm a useless spoiled rich boy who won't ever do anything with his life. Still others root for me to fail because of my politics and the deeply immoral man they believe they make me. So we'll see how I end up. Will diabetes slowly eat away at me until I'm dead or well and truly wish I were? Perhaps medicine and my own discipline will mitigate things. Can I start Bailey's Bakehouse and make it work? Can I even get my first pastry job? You know what? None of it's certain. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. The enemies and mistakes I've made in life are lined up against me and I stand ready to take them on. That's the real advice for any person out there who's actually suicidal. I'm not like the others, I respect and condone your decision...but maybe you shouldn't forfeit the game just yet. Maybe you're going to show the fuckers a thing or two and you just don't know it yet. Be a shame to miss that, is all I'm saying.

-Frank