Pretty Women

In recent articles, I have laid out guidelines for how men like myself, meaning fellow autistics and/or geeks, who have decided to give up on having a romantic life should regard women and treat them when they interact with them. Another question might be how those autistics and geeks should regard and treat women, irrespective of whether they intend to ever couple. A more pressing question is how I personally regard and treat women, particularly those to whom I am profoundly attracted. Well, I plan to lay out exactly how I handle that sort of thing for you in this article. Keeping to myself, keeping my emotions on a short logical leash, and keeping as much self-awareness as I can are my basic strategies. Feminism is the most helpful organized philosophy for this and I have had some wonderful tutors in that regard. Deep understanding of feminism teaches you to intellectually understand women as more than objects of your desire. Like many things, I find I can only do this on an intellectual level, so emotional repression is key to me consistently pulling this off. Admittedly, my stoic approach is very much related to my autism and the resultant extreme distrust of my own emotions.

A helpful illustration of this happens to me every day and has for many years. Cutting through the nearby university campus is the best route to the cigar shop where I spend a lot of time. On my daily route, I always encounter profoundly attractive young women out jogging while listening to music. When this happens, my initial response is something along the lines of, "OOOOOO." Once this passes, logical thoughts come into play, such as the fact that she is nearly half my age, that I am romantically unsuitable for anyone, let alone a highly attractive college student, and that I am in a car and this moment will soon pass anyway. Then I start thinking about her as a real human being. She's probably thinking about her classes, monitoring her heartbeat, singing along with the music, or any number of things that have to do with her own life and worries. That's usual when she notices me looking at her and gives me a look that I imagine means, "What are YOU looking at creepy fat old man," but could just as easily be, "Oh, hello there sir." It can be hard to tell. As the moment ends and I drive off, I don't let it get to me. Mostly, it's just a sad reminder of where I stand and the actions from which I must refrain.

Most of the past trouble for me in interacting with highly attractive women came in the form of developing crushes on them. It's been years since that happened to me though, so I'm pretty sure I've managed the mental discipline to prevent that. Like a lot of things with my autism, clearly defined boundaries help. Of the female platonic friends and acquaintances I've made in the last few years, I've had nary a romantic or sexual thought about them, although I understand that they are attractive on a logical level. The boundaries to which I refer are ones I've set for myself and are self-enforced. As much as possible, I have actively thought of myself as a nonsexual and nonromantic being. Keeping a deep focus on my lack of viability as a romantic or sexual partner at the forefront of my mind, especially when I meet a woman for the first time, makes entertaining sexual or romantic thoughts seem silly and insane. I may as well have thoughts about whether women I know or meet is going to go around in a van with me and a chimp solving mysteries for all the absurdity such thoughts represent. Romantic and sexual desires are, of course, very human, but I am not human in the relevant sense. What I am is profoundly disabled and isolated from this part of being human. While the heart wants what it wants and the body wants what it wants, the mind stays vigilant cracking the whip against desires that it knows ought not be present.

-Frank